Every Saturday, I try my best to fix my room up. A little sweeping on the dusty floor, putting away newly washed clothes and arranging out-of-place items on my desk or dresser – the usual routine. Doing this gives me a sense of accomplishment. I guess Veronica Mars explained my need to do a-fixin’ best, “The whole ritual cleaning thing is textbook for a reason. For a couple of minutes, you’re in control and everything’s the way it should be…at least on the surface.”
Right now, it feels like a thousand things have happened but I don’t even have a clue on what those things are. Thoughts scramble around in my brain, wanting to be fully noticed but then disappearing because they’re cruel and want me to dig deeper just to find them. I did catch some of them and have been contemplating on their existence. Come meet a couple of my lurking thoughts:
I’m 28!A few weeks ago, I officially stepped into my late-20’s. Nothing bad about that; but it just reminds me that 30 is just 2 blocks away and THAT scares me. 30, for me, would mean I need to have my life figured out or at least have an idea on what direction I should be going. But to tell the truth, I’m utterly and completely lost. As much as I want to stick to “come what may” attitude, I can’t help but panic a little when I realize that what I’m doing and where I am aren’t exactly what I want.
I have a strong personality.Some say I scare the be-jeezus out of people and that I come off snobbish. Well, I guess I do. It’s the first layer I put on so people can’t push me around or take advantage of me. Usually, that layer’s a little thin and if you get to scrape just a bit of it, I’d bawl my eyes out and crouch in fear. I do wish I had a much stronger personality, one that could equate to stronger convictions.
This post is just random and…unimaginative. I have yet to find my groove. I was told by my boyf that I buried it under my what-ifs and shoulda-woulda-couldas. While I start decluttering, I’ll be back with vengeance (or at they very least, wit).
Hi September, let’s be friends, kk?