Day 27 – A problem that you have had.
I plan a lot, and I mean, A LOOOT!!! I plan my day/week/year, what I’m going to eat/do/see…basically just anything! Of course, I do acknowledge that not all of my plans will fall according to my will and I still embrace those sneaky, spontaneous moments. But for most part of my life, my plans are reminders of what my dreams are and what I would like to accomplish – a bucket list, if you will.
Right now, my life’s list of To Do’s is growing. I take a step back and see how much time has passed and just a few of them has been done. I realize that I don’t even make the baby steps I need to do to even TRY to carry out them. This is where my problem enters… I have a problem following through. 😦
As April entered, I had the chance to take a quick reflection on why the hell I’m stuck making new plans and not pursuing the old/current ones. I came to 2 conclusions:
I do not have the balls. Metaphorically and literally (although I don’t think actually having balls would change anything) speaking, I do not have the balls to carry out my life dreams. I’m still working on my personal issues that include being pessimistic and insecure (which the general population usually cannot believe I am!) so I usually am a scared Cat wanting to just lie on my back and stretch and not run around looking for food. I’d make excuses like I’m stressed out at work and I deserve to relax and just not do anything.
I’d rather keep them as dreams. Ted Mosby in “How I Met Your Mother” explained my hesitance to pursue my dreams when he said this about his own dream:
The longer I put off starting my own firm the longer it can remain a dream and not something I screwed up at. It’s like I’m giving before I even started.
Fear has taken me over. I’m afraid that whatever my dreams are, they’re something I’d fail at. I’d rather have the idea of the dream than the actual dream.:(
My boyf and I talked about this problem of mine. He’s mentioned that I should start taking a different perspective of life and not to be scared all the time. Sure failure
might will come; but it’s something everyone needs to face sooner or later. Plus, getting past the crap to get to the finish line just makes the prize worth it.
To quote again lines from “How I Met Your Mother”:
Lily: You’re like that goat with the washcloth. You want it so bad, and every time the world tries to take it away from you, you keep grabbing it. But, you know what? It’s just a washcloth. Why do you even want it?
Ted: Because I have to be an architect! That’s the plan.
Lily: Screw the plan! […] Look, you can’t design your life like a building. It doesn’t work that way. You just have to live it… and it’ll design itself.
Ted: So what, I should just do nothing?
Lily: No. Listen to what the world is telling you to do… and take the leap.
Follow through == take the leap!