The 30 Days Blog Challenge, Day 14: Terrified, Tiny Me.

Day 14 – Your earliest memory.

Can’t say that I truly remember what exactly happened back in 1989, when I was 4 years old; but flashbacks of my Kinder graduation kept on coming. So I’m sticking to this as my earliest memory. 🙂

Let’s go back 22 years ago…

Despite close friends’ and colleagues’ belief that I’m not a shy person, I actually am. Although throughout the years my shyness come across a bit snobbish. There’s this sort-of-tough exterior I put up as a default defense mechanism because I don’t want to come across as weak. You see, as a kid, I get scared when there’s a lot of people before me, looking at me. My mom and my Kindergarten teachers knew this and thought putting me at the back of the Pearly Shells group would somehow calm my nerves; but they were wrong…

"Pearly shells...from the ocean."

"Pearly shells...from the ocean."

While my co-graduates were having fun swaying their hips from side to side and smiling to the audience, I was crying my eyes out and searching for my parents in the hopes that they’ll get my signal to get me off the stage. I remember what I saw in front of our Pearly Shells group: a gazillion people watching us. Okay, it was around at least 30 people, but the 4-year-old me believed there was more than that.

Walk the walk.

Walk the walk.

I only calmed down a bit when the next performance involved a lot more kids on the stage and a less breezy outfit. Though I still couldn’t bear looking at the audience so I kept on looking to the side or downwards, avoiding looking at the audience. Back then, I was also conscious that I had 2 awards pinned to my shirt and those with awards as well were situated far from me. I wanted to remove those paper “medals” as they might be attracting attention with their bright colored attached ribbons.

The only rose among the thorns.

The only rose among the thorns.

Here I am with my classmates. Those 2 guys at the right? They tormented me back then! During recess or while waiting for my yaya to finish chatting with the other yayas during dismissal, I’d be sitting on the couch nearby the bookshelf and reading to my heart’s content. Then those 2 classmates of mine would get my lunch box and run away with it. I’d get upset, run after them, yank my lunch box and threaten them a good bonking on the head. Since Ms. Rose, our teacher, loved me (or so I’d like to believe…maybe she was just particularly fond of me because I’m the only girl and I don’t talk much in class), she’d scold those 2 scoundrels and make them leave me with my book in peace.

That was me, 22 years ago. Timid and shy. I’m glad I can remember bits and pieces of my childhood because I can somehow see how far I’ve changed and if I changed for the better or the worse. Now, let me just go back to my photo album and reminisce fondly.

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